THE CHURCH OF ARTEMUS: a 'holy'-owned subsidiary of The Cruise Director.

                      TCoA Holy Icon:    THE ACTING GOD
                      High Priestess:    Cruise Director
                      Holy Relative:     Great-Aunt Maude
                      Church Elder:      Nelson 
                      Vestial Virgin #1: S-Cubed


As High Priestess of the Church of Artemus, I do declare the following to
be an exact listing of the initiation rites and pledges required of all
Church of Artemus devotees. 

                             Initiation rites

1. Allow yourself to be pistol-whipped every Friday between 7:30 and 8:30 pm.
2. Learn, or at least use, one foreign language per week.
3. Consume one full bowl of Cherries Jubilee With Molasses.
4. Take Great-Aunt Maude as thy holy relative.
5. Hold at least one patent.


                                    Pledge

As one humbled by the long theatrical shadow, carriage, and stunning good
looks of The Acting God, I, _________________, do hearby pledge:

   To take _The Night of the Murderous Spring_ to be my Holy Doctrine.

   To procure a copy of _Underwater Warrior_, viewing said film weekly upon
   the Cathode Altar.

   To accept Jeremeelzebub as the Anti-Gordon.

   To turn mine face from The Doomsday Formula, for upon the day I look upon
   its evil armegeddon is upon me.

   To curse 666 for crimes against The Acting God for all eternity.

   To take The Burgundy Suit and The Cape as items of devotion, and go on 
   pilgrimage to said items annually.

   To carry on our icon's good work by saving The Action God's butt as needed.



Now repeat after the High Priestess: "GREAT JUMPIN' BALLS OF SAINT ELMO'S
                                      FIRE JIM- WHAT WERE THOSE THINGS?"

********************************************************************
 
> I am shocked, SHOCKED that the CofA rites do not include at least one 
> viewing of TNOT Extended Shirtlessness.  Perhaps that venerable episode 
> is saved for special holy days.....

Erm.... the Cruise Director's been sick- mentally sick. Yeah, that's it....

Of *course* Extended Shirtlessness is part of the litany. Whenever 
TNotES airs, it is a national holiday for all TCoA members. 
Remember- tell your boss you have to take a day off for religious reasons.



-- 
                        M, BATR...
                            -Kris "aka Julie McCoy, your Cruise Director"


                        "I don't know Gary Sinise"
...............................     Kristin C. Sabo - sabo@rouge.phys.lsu.edu
 
   "It's a good thing you're sacred,           _Moderator & Cruise Director_
        'cause you haven't got any talent."                WILDWEST
                                                           ~~~~~~~~
              -Artemus, TNot Gypsy Peril      The Wild Wild West e-mail group:
                                                   listproc@moose.uvm.edu
                                                   wildwest@moose.uvm.edu
         THE WILD WILD WEST      .............................................
***********************************************************************
***********************************************************************

Susannah joins our discussion of the Acting god:

>Considering that our man Artemus could appreciate a woman of experience, I 
>am seated in a pew and searching for my prayerbook, while the vestals flock 
>about the altar.

Ah, but in the Church of Artemus, we follow the example set by the Acting 
god; being a Vestal Virgin is a *disguise*.  Silly girl; we'd hardly keep 
ourselves *truly* celibate with Artemus around. :-)

S-cubed (who'll most likely have some interesting dreams tonight)

Return to Main Menu

Go to Volant TurnPike Home Page