Ok, This Is The First Time I'm Doing A Review While Actually Watching The Episode This Ought To Get Interesting....
After a fox hunt, Jim and Artie get into a fight (over a girl, what else). Jim thinks Artie is going for a gun and shoots him. As it turns out, Artie was going for a Kleenex and Col. Richmond tries to arrest Jim (fat chance). Jim jumps out the window (wait, I thought this was Jim, not Richie) and Col. Richmond "shoots" at him during the getaway. Well, tries anyway. He's not a very good shot.
At Artie's funeral, the press interview Col. Richmond and Sen. Fenlow makes a general busybody of himself. Col. Richmond reveals that not only Jim, but nineteen other murderers have disappeared over the past year. The funeral service is read by a very suspicious looking priest who hero-worships Artie (to know him is to love him is to know him). (And does anyone catch Col. Richmond's face here? He's having a hard time keeping a straight face.) Jim shows up and is seen by some policeman. After a short fight ("helped" by Artie), Jim escapes in a hearse. The hearse turns out to be a trap and Jim gets gassed. He wakes up in a prison cell. He leaves, wanders about a bit and winds up at the end of a trial. The prisoner gets sentenced to be hung and is dragged out of the court kicking and screaming. The judge tells Jim that his trial is next and introduces him to Lorolie, who also defended the last guy. Jim gets into another fight and gets dropped back into his cell.
Back in his office, Col. Richmond opens a secret passage and lets Artie in. Artie tells him Jim has completely disappeared. Artie leaves to go searching livery stables for the hearse. Jim escaped in. Jim escapes from his cell (again) and runs into Lorolei, who leads him back into the courtroom. The jury is introduced and Lorolei turns out to be the prosecution. Artie finds Jim's hearse. Lorolei tells the jury that James West wantonly, monstrously and with malice aforethought did murder Artemus Gordon in cold blood (gee, she should be in the OJ trial). Artie finds the guy who drove the hearse and gets into a fight, which ends with the driver grabbing a pitchfork and stabbing the camera.
The jury returns and declares Jim guilty as sin. Jim is sentenced to join the company of murderers. And he gets to kiss Lorolei again. The driver of the hearse wakes to find himself tied to a post, unties himself and leaves (er, are we missing a scene here?). The murderers toast Jim at dinner (such charming table manners). The head evil dude tells the gang that three of them are going to help him in mighty undertaking. Which three? Well, that's up to them. And the Ax Lady drops dead. Later, Jim and Artie bump into each other while skulking about. Jim gets invited to meet with Lorolei, only Lorolei turns out to be one of the murderers. Two down. Lorolei takes Jim back to her room and tells him he gets to kill the Vice President (Iron Hook, it seems, has already drawn the President). The alarm bell sounds and everyone rushes to the bell tower to find two Tigos. Tigo rips off Tigo's mustache and we find Adulfus, er, Artie under it. Jim is told to kill Artie again.
Jim misses and our heroes get thrown into a well (ding, dong, dell). To amuse themselves, they invent basketball. Skull makes a speech, visits Lorolei and unmasks himself as Sen. Fenlow. Jim makes two points (no, not with Lorolei, she's busy scoring her own points with Fenlow) and the bucket drops -- along with the rope holding it up. So they decide to defy physics instead by launching Jim on the bucket. Jim tosses the ladder down and Artie climbs out. Artie goes to warn Washington and Jim gets into another fight. Sen. Fenlow prepares his off the cuff speech but is interrupted by the Assistant of the Secretary of State, a pompous old windbag if I ever saw one ;-). The ASS tells Fenlow that everyone is dead. Jim walks in and interrupts Artie's party. Back at the train, Artie prepares crepes suzettes for Lorolei. Jim arrests Lorolei and tells Artie that Lorolei is really Peoria Poisoner.
Great Lines:
Artie: I tell you, you got to die before you find out who your friends really are.
Prisoner: I don't want to diiiiiiiiieeeeee! I don't want to diiiiiiiiiieee! (Can you say "overacting"? I knew you could.)
Col. Richmond: You look a lot healthier than the last time I saw you.
Artie: You killed me once this week. Isn't that enough?
Skull: Quick thinking, Adulfus, but your brother was an only child, too.
And the ratings are:
Jim fights: ten stars
Colonel Richmond: one star
Artie disguises: seven stars
Kissing: four stars
Artie fights: two stars
The swordfight: negative two stars (Jim shouldn't
get into swordfights. They're pathetic.)
The bucket launch: five stars
Shirtlessness: zero stars
Explosions: zero star
Total: twenty-seven stars
Lorolei
