Jim is attacked outside a restaurant, while a woman and a coachman look on. Artie and two policemen arrive in time to watch Jim wipe the floor with the guy. Artie and Jim enter the restaurant, followed by the woman. Artie notices the woman sitting alone, make a pass at her, and fails miserably. Jim and Artie start leaving the restaurant. The woman, Marie Pincher, notices Jim, and makes a pass at him (using the same pick-up line Artie used). Jim and Marie leave together and get into the coach. Gas starts poring into the coach and Jim passes out. The next morning Jim wakes up in what looks like an abandoned town. It's empty except for a lot of mannequins standing about the place and a lot of disembodied town-like sounds. He follows the sound of gun play and a woman crying and finds Dr. Loveless, Voltaire, a man named Janus and a tombstone bearing the inscription "James West, Born July 2, 1842, Died _____."
Jim escapes Loveless and jumps on the fence surrounding the town. Loveless pushes a button and electrocutes him. Voltaire puts Jim in a coffin and carries him to the Embalming Room. Jim wakes up to the sounds Loveless and Antoinette singing a duet. Loveless shows off his latest inventions and has Voltaire take Jim to his room. Janus learns to imitate Jim's voice by listening to a recording just made by Loveless. Loveless then reveals a mirror so Janus can watch Jim. Marie brings Jim lunch and they kiss. After lunch (and dessert), Loveless takes Jim on a tour of the town. Jim threatens Loveless and gets knocked out _again_. (Really, Jim should know better!) Loveless operates on Janus to make him look like Jim. Two weeks later, Marie brings Jim tea and they kiss. Voltaire takes Jim to Loveless. Janus, who now looks like Jim, is send off to visit Artie, with orders to kill if Artie discovers the switch.
"Jim" arrives at the train to find a very worried Artie. As "Jim" is leaving, he blows it by asking after Great-Aunt Maude (as if Artie hadn't figured it out before). Janus arrives safely back at the town and Loveless orders Jim's death at sundown. Artie arrives at the town and starts searching. Janus enters Jim's room. When Loveless and Voltaire come to get Jim, they can't tell which is which. Marie kisses both of them and reveals the real Jim. Loveless, of course, thinks she lied and takes Janus to be killed. Janus rushes Voltaire and escapes. Jim and Marie leave and Jim sets Loveless' equipment to explode. Artie arrives just in time to leave with them. Loveless and Voltaire discover the equipment when it's too late to save it. Jim, Artie and Marie leave the building and find Janus with a loaded canon. Artie distracts Janus, giving Jim time to sneak around. Artie keeps a gun on both of them until Marie kisses Jim. Loveless and Voltaire are returned to jail. Back at the train, Jim pulls a gun on Artie, and has him turn around with his hands up. Artie wonders about Jim until he notices the gun back in the holster and Jim and Marie kissing.
The ratings are:
Artie disguises: no stars Use of Artie: negative five stars Jim fights: three stars Shirtlessness: zero stars Kissing: ten stars Director (666): negative five stars Writing God: five stars Loveless: five stars Duet: five stars Total: eighteen stars