The following are some of the Wildest comments, thoughts and observations from some of the list members ********************************************** From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: "Those Marvelous Men and their Wacky Machines" As Pat related, inspiration has struck again (and if I ever get hold of that Muse, there's going to be another *struck*), this time from the Subject: line of Pat's post yesterday. So dredge up your best 1940's drawing style animation with a men's chorus and small parade band on the vocal track, as after the opening sequence (see below), you hear... Those Marvelous Men and Their Wacky Machines Breaking in-(dee)-in-in, escaping out-(tee)-out-out. Aiding trapped heroes and nefarious schemes While breaking in-(dee)-in-in, and escaping out-(tee)-out-out! In! Out! Still, ahead of their times Cut-edge technology, for valor and crimes. Wri-ters treat hist'ry real mean For Those Marvelous Men and Their Wacky Machines [instrumental repeat/interlude] The villian needs sounds to appear from thin air-- *Poof!* there's a gramophone with two decades to spare. No lock is too tough for our heroes to pick-- They'll enter sealed rooms with a wind-up *whirr* *click!* [fanfare] Those Marvelous Men and Their Wacky Machines Breaking in-(dee)-in-in, escaping out-(tee)-out-out. Locomotion, explosives, fancy pocket-sized things For breaking in-(dee)-in-in, and escaping out-(tee)-out-out. In! Out! Genius at play With future history lighting the way. Wri-ters need toys for their dreams Through Those Marvelous Men Yes, Those Marvelous Men See Those Marvelous Men And Their Wack-y Machines! For those who haven't seen _Those Magnificent Men and Their Flying Machines_, it's a fine movie covering a London-to-Paris air race in the same style as _The Great Race_ covers its race. For those who have seen the movie, the opening sequence could start with Red Skelton discovering a rock laying on a large propped-up wooden stick, getting that idea-look on his face, stamping on the other side of the stick to launch the rock, look real proud, then getting crushed by the falling rock. Robert Morley would narrate, "Ever since Man started to think, he wanted machines." The rest of the opening is left as an exercise to the reader. The title song animation could easily be a white-coated scientist working his way across a table filled with mechanical bits with him hammering and screwing and sawing all sorts of random bits together, which blow up at the end in the usual comical style of such things. Rob"Well, I was trying to do work yesterday..."b Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1998 10:52:53 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Movie tidbits lead to hallucinations matsie informs us of Movie Tidbits: >This set was Loveless9 (sp?) underground lair! > >Inside the soundstage, a huge, wide, raised platform had been built. It >sat atop a pyramid-like series of about 10-15 steps, which were painted >silver-gray to look like steel. >... >The guide also told us that the steps and platform would be the site of a >song-and-dance sequence! [Inspired by Freakazoid!'s parody...] [Maitre'Henchman runs into barracks.] M'H: He's is coming back home! [Rousing cheer erupts as general commotion commences. Background music is a supporting percussion line and light melodic stuff emphasizing actions. Everyone is obviously preening their formal attire (tassled coats, bowties, cumberbunds, fancy boots), hair, guns, etc.] [There is much moving about as henchmen are running in and out the swinging doors between the barracks and main lair room. Wackiness ensues through various slapstick moments, such as two henchmen trying to push through same door and not fitting.] [Henchman standing in a zany position looking out front door, which is at top of stairs. Henchman's visible backside does comedic bounce of recognition. Henchman pulls head in from door and is obviously very excited.] H: He's here! [Matire'Henchman steps quickly to bottom left of stairs and fires his gun twice into the ceiling. Music stops. Henchman step very quickly to stairway: one per two steps, lining both sides. A moment of tense excitement as all look upwards to revolving door at top of stairs.] [Door starts swinging; music crescendos from orchestra at left of stairs; recognizable form silhouttes in glass panes on door.] [Loveless steams through door grandly. The sicker among us can imagine him in a dress covering the chair and with a parasol, but that's not strictly necessary...] [Singing] Henchmen: Well, hello Loveless! Yes, hello Loveless! It's so nice to have you back where you belong! You're looking swell, Loveless! We can tell, Loveless, that you're still steaming, you're still peeving, you're still scheming strong! [Hilarity has ensued through this verse as elated Loveless has wheeled to top of stairs and, unexpectedly, has tumbled head over heels down the steps. Three henchmen have assisted the concerned Maitre'Henchman in uprighting Loveless at the bottom. Slapstick brushing off of Loveless by henchmen generates his flustered slapping of henchmen.] Your plans of doom, Loveless, from this room, Loveless, haven't worked yet, but will one day! [background] Hummmmmmm [Loveless] This world-ending scheme's the best, fellas! We won't be foiled by West, fellas! [Henchmen, in big chorus line, of course] Loveless will blow them all away! Somehow we'll all get in the way! Loveless will never go away, again! Alas, our company's in the middle of a move this weekend, so I can't generate more verses and choreography right now, but the image is certainly haunting me. Rob"*Quack!* **BOOM!**"b Date: Thu, 02 Jul 1998 09:59:13 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: Today's Variety Tom debuts with: >"Production plate No. 32, The Wild Wild West." It shows a large steam- >powered, metal spider destroying what I think is Jim and Arte's train with a >flame-thrower firing out of its mouth. I think I'll sit in the corner and just cry. Or perhaps cash in many favors of the CoM and see if the writers and the tinpot producers can be conveniently hogtied in the cars when the explosion goes off. *QUACK!* ***BOOM!*** Oh, good...now I feel better. >Monument Valley is in the background >and an old-fashioned ultralight is flying to the rescue. If anyone else has seen "Cave Dwellers" via MST3K, laugh along! (If you haven't, rent it and laugh yourself off your favorite sitting device.) Here drops my 2 pence: I will probably succumb to seeing this movie, but only in the _really cheap_ theaters. If this ends up sucking as bad as it's been sounding, the advertising alone will kill this celluloid-monument-to-arrogance. Which is a shame, 'cause I'd like to see a well-done not-made-for-TV movie, and I suspect it really wouldn't be _that_ hard, talent-wise; politics-wise, well, I think we're seeing the fruits now. Rob"The apparently-charred Engineer"b "The critics say 'nix', so they're taking their licks, and the editors are gonna try to save it in the mix." - --Variety Speak, Animaniacs Date: Wed, 15 Oct 1997 15:29:09 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: Eye Color Trail Boss, ignoring the saws and sages about pun wars, brings out the wurst in me: >Sonn-eye querr-eyes: >> Does RC wear contacts? Could he have tinted contacts? >Eye don't know, Eye'll ask him the next time a phone call is requ-eye-r'd. >Better question - did he wear contacts on the series? (this is where we see >his eyes change colour shot to shot, after all). Hue certainly should contact him about this, since wink-an never come to agreenment. Whatever he s-hazel wonder if we'll get past this styeme; peepers peepers are even optical them different colors. And Ham was concerned I might lash out with a slew of bad puns. This should cure him of the naive glaze in his eyes. >> Is this topic talked to death yet? >I don't know - let's vote on it! I still vote Richard Kiel's eyes are black & white. Rob"The Trained Eye"b "I feel a duty to share my gift of mirth with others."--Dogbert Date: Thu, 03 Oct 1996 23:00:35 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: TNot Vicious Valentine Trail Mix overtures on the diminished nature of TNot VV: >Fine, I'll chime in, hit some of the high notes, the basest elements >while trying to refrain from reprising points others have already inntonated >about this masterpiece. Ah, noticing the general tenor of this conversation, I'll try to tie in my comments before we're both pushed off this clef for not measuring up to the standards of this chorus. (For better or verse, maybe these comments will be instrumental in getting me to post with a little more frequency.) IMHO this episode suffers from a little too much '60s Batman villiany and a little too much pat-reactions-to-suit-the-plot-ism, alto I do enjoy the question-and-answer session between Agnes' character and Jim. Delightful, but I feel it coda been better at points. Rob"The Conductor"b "Artie, did you get angry when the dwarf got away on the D.C. subway?" "Jim, that Metro-gnome really ticked me off!" -TNot 20th Century Tolkien ==================================== Date: Wed, 01 May 1996 16:30:57 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: Question: The Night That Terror Stalked the Town" Trail Boss explains it all: >What really happened was that Artemus was mulling over what wasn't right >about his partner I always took it to be "Jim"'s holding back of information and details which got Artie suspicious. The Great Aunt Maude boo-boo gave substance to the hypothesis that this person was not Jim, since not even a brain-washed Jim would make that mistake. Then, Trail Boss fans the flames of pun-duggery (bail now, pun haters): >didn't actually know what colour Jim's eyes were. >So what colour are they, anyway? > Sty see someone wants to stoke the embers of The Annual Eye Pun War... orb-etter yet, The Nerve Of Some Pupil. Repleyes to straight lens like this can garner strange looks from some while other's iris raised to a lid-le th-retina form of wordplay. With that out of the way, I'll hazel a guess and say "green" :) Rob"Socket to me?!--Richard Nixon plugging his wiretapping book"b Date: Fri, 16 Feb 1996 12:00:51 -0500 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: WILDWEST "Update" for last year's AG attendees Robb And now, for a musical interlude (**I admit, it's a terrible line. Suggestions welcome.): Pardon me boy, is this the San Francisco Station? Track number 9...gee, your engine looks fine. There's going to be/A certain villian at the station. Mad as a coot/Power-hungry to boot. He'd hired faceless gunsels/There was a fight in a bar. He tried to take the President/He almost got far. Artie in disguises/West fought more bad guys-es. In his lair, his plans come down/When our heroes drop in.** We're going to see/Colonel Richmond at the Station. It seems another bad guy/Has given the Constitution the eye. Following clues/Takes us to the port that we love the best, Oh, James-'n'-Artie Choo-Choo, won't you choo-choo us West! Date: Wed, 17 Apr 1996 21:36:58 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: Experiment in Number Terror The Trail Boss tries to slip past with: >Lesee- for every ep possibly shown on TNT, >there is a one in 103 chance that KDOC will match it. And TNT airs 103 eps, >approximately randomly. Assuming KDOC airs eps randomly as well.... > >looks like it ought to be 1/((103)^103)), which my calculator won't do. Uh-hh...exsqueeze me? Over the 103 episodes which TNT shows, and 104 which KDOC airs, comes out to (1/104) expected matches in 1 pick. Or just under 3 times a year, on average. Hey, I'm punchy, 'cause it's beautiful in Pittsburgh (again), the campus Carnival starts this weekend, and I'm leavin' CMU in about a month (to design computer hardware). On a TWWW-note: >As for Tom Cruise, well- it's not so much a matter of casting as it is a >matter of him deciding whether he wants it or not. I'll be equally upset if some flashy set or production person decides a huge 2-10-2, or equally anachronistic engine, should pull the train. Save The American! (That's a 4-4-0, for non-train fanatics.) (The first number is the number of small wheels at the front of engine; the second is the number of large drive wheels; and the third is the number of small wheels under the cab. The series stuck to 4-4-0s and 4-6-0s.) Rob"but then, all my friends dissected Toy Story for the computer work"b And now, a Christmas interlude: Silent night, Wild West night All is calm, all is bright James and Artie, so quietly sleeping In looks Loveless, with Voltare peeping "Now, they're caught in my we-b." "Now, they're caught in my we-b." Louder night, Wild West night Artie wakes to the sight Of James count'ring a dozen henchmen With orange gas, the number's now ten "Good thing you smelled the food first!" "Good thing you smelled the food first!" Silent night, Wild West night Loveless gone, at his plight James and Artie eat dinner late With no poisons on their plate Goodbye, twisted li'l man. Goodbye, twisted li'l man. To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: "Keep Those Mad Scientists Coming" [TV Guide 6 Jan 1968] Date: Thu, 22 Feb 1996 18:31:08 -0500 From: Robb Miles And it was drivelled: >Clense West of personal idiosyncracies, making it easy for viewers to project >their own psyches. At first, I agreed; then, I disagreed; now, I'm not sure how far to agree with this. I think there is certainly an interesting point here, albeit one of perception, not "reality". What does he want? West wearing celery on his lapel? Pulling his left ear after every battle? A blinding flash of light after every defeated villian? Personally, let the villians have their outrageous and distinctive ways and keep West's quieter. >The statistics show they dig us in practically all categories: males, females, >the 12-17s, the 18-34s, the over 50s. Out of curiosity, does anybody have the ages of the Congresscritters who served on the "TV Violence Committee" (for lack of the correct name)? Or the shows that swept the 35-49 crowd? Rob"and now, a word from our sponsors..."b Do you have a villian scheming in your basement? Does he wake up the family with maniacal laughter? Does he take your favorite power tools without even promising you the Wyoming Territories?! You've tried shooting him out...You've tried tricking him out... You've tried humiliating him out...But nothing seems to work?! Well, call the best and brightest of the Secret Service! JAMES 'N' ARTIE have a proven (although classified) record of removing even the most persistant of hiding villians! Just hear the results from some of our satisfied customers: "Your agents not only removed a villian who moved into our backyard cave, they even cleaned the powder burns off our well bucket!" "Our problem villian ran up our phone bill with calls to the White House and the Acme Catalog Company, until JAMES 'N' ARTIE chased him into Mexico. They even helped me test my new kiss-proof lipstick and gourmet diet plan." "*Coo*! *Coo*!" [Ed. note--alright, you figure out how to make pigeon noises over email.] Government officials and 4 out of 5 women agree--JAMES 'N' ARTIE are the best! Date: Thu, 28 Dec 1995 10:43:29 -0500 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Re: A fan's lament-able poetry The Cruise Director urges the posting of a possible continuation of her limerick, and I haven't been able to do any better since then: >"There once were two agents from Nantuckett..." Who lit gunpowder under a bucket Shot out of a well And lived to tell Bad Guys and Physics to rock-it [rocket] Rob"British Rail apologizes for the late arrival of the last joke."b Date: Tue, 13 Jun 1995 16:44:12 -0400 From: Robb Miles Subject: Re: Various topics [long] Robb Once upon a time there was an Engineer, Driving trains for West and Gordon was fun, we hear. From San Francisco to New Orleans the train would run, While they beat up bad guys by the ton. 'James West says', *ding* "We've got to find their hideout." 'Artie says', *ding* "I'll put on my disguise." 'James West says', *ding* "Looks like we're surrounded." "James, my boy, you only have to beat twelve guys.' James'n'Artie James'n'Artie James'n'Artie James'n'Artie... Date: Mon, 22 Jun 1998 19:26:05 -0400 From: Robb Miles To: wildwest2-l@usc.edu Subject: Trains inspire the oddest things Just before a train trip three weekends ago, I got inspired and hauled along The WWW Bible...the long bit at the end is the result. It's a bit rough, but it's time to put this obsession behind me. Anyone with the proper list can feel free to fill in the last line. For those not familiar with Yakko's World: it's a splendid Mexican Hat Dance parody listing all the countries of the World (more or less, see quibbles at the usual Animaniacs sources). Rob"No, I haven't learned it all yet"b - ---- [With apologies to Randy Rogel] "And now presenting Yakko! With all the episodes of The Wild WIld West..." Yakko's W-W-West Inferno, the premiere / Druid's Blood, Grand Emir Burning Diamond, Double-Edged Knife Wizard Shook the Earth / (Doctor Loveless's first) Dragon Screamed and Howling Light Two-Legged Buffalo / Puppeteer, Flaming Ghost Burgess trips o'er his Human Trigger Terror Stalked the Town / Murderous Spring (Doctor drowns) Freebooters and Torture Chamber Sudden Plage, Sudden Death / Glowing Corpse, Dancing Death Thousand Eyes and Red-Eyed Madmen Bars of Hell, Whirring Death / Fatal Trap, Deadly Bed Casual Killer, Steel Assassin Loveless returns in Raven / Green Terror, then Surreal McCoy, Bogus Bandits New arch-villain Manzeppi / aloft in Feathered Fury Although he debuts in Eccentrics Golden Cobra, Big Blast / Watery Death, Colonel's Ghost There's Flying Pie Plate, and still Brain, Deadly Bubble / Wolf (VRKALAK spells trouble) Vicious Valentine and Gypsy Peril Tartar, Man-Eating House / Cadre, Ready-Made Corpse Lord of Limbo and Tottering Tontine Poisonous Posey and / Deadly Blossom, and then Returning Dead, Infernal Machine Firebrand and Cutthroats / and Montezuma's Hordes (our heroes escape their revenge) There's Underground Terror / and Simian Terror Iron Fist, Jack O' Diamonds Death Maker, Circus of Death / Running Death, Bubbling Death Death Masks, e'en Dr. Loveless Died At last Legion of Death / beats the topic to death Amnesiac and Samurai Undead and Hangman / Arrow, Assassin Falcon, Turncoat make Season Three While Four has Pisteleros / Doomsday Formula Big Blackmail, Egyptian Queen Juggernaut, Fugitives / Spanish Curse, Gruesome Games Avaricious Actuary Sedgewick Curse, Kraken / Fire & Brimstone, sudden- - -ly Artie gets sent to D.C. Miguelito's Revenge / Camera, Pelican Janus have sub Jeremy Pike Winged Terror, two-parter / has partner Frank Harper Sabatini Death sunk by Ned Brown Old friend Sir Nigel Scott / on Bleak Island gets caught then Tycoons has Jim on his own Diva (Artie comes back) / leaving Plague and Cossacks Plus two more movies / More & Revisited and a list of unmade episodes can be squeezed into here. *********************************************** Kristin C. Sabo sez: Okay, some of the spellings posted here for TNot Bottomless Pit characters are driving me a bit nuts, so as a public service let me correct some of it and point out just how witty TNotBP author Ken Kolb actually was in this respect: Gustave and Camille Mauvais Mauvais = evil or malignant Le Cochon Cochon = pig Henri Couteau Couteau = knife, or less directly we have "Henry Sharp". =) Le Fou Fou = insane or crazy Pierre Gaspard (Artie's disguise) Gaspard = one who speaks 'garbage' (lies) (this last is a pretty rough translation) Grime - old fogy or dotard (heh) Funny as it is used theatrically. Grimer is to make one's self up as an old fart. Lime - file, as in rasp.... baked into an escape cake. =) "Piste" Mix .............................................................................. Cyrano de Bergerac: "J'emporte malgre vous, et c'est... mon panache!" Movie subtitler's crap translation: "I carried on without you, and I never lost my panache." CORRECT translation: "I carried on in spite of you, and this (fact)... is my plume!" [plume - referencing the 'plume' (panache) on a musketeer's hat, and meaning 'banner', or less literal but more proper 'legacy'/'heritage'] Better living through proper translation. ************************************************* Subj: A gilbert and Sullivan Tribute to W cubed To be sung to the tune of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" Jelpy ************* I am the very model of a villian wild wild westian, I always lose but in a few months I will be a guest again. I will return with yet another conquest plan vainglorious, While sputtering at Jim and Artie 'cause they make me furious. I'll never ever give up and just have them shot down like they're dogs. I'd rather have them fed to vampire bats, or rats or giant frogs. I know without a doubt my plan nefarious this time won't fail, Since West and Gordon can't escape from my impervious new jail. My mind is calculating, twisted, clever, cold and devious, My manners never deviating too far from mischevious. I know some day that I shall win and I shall get the best of them, I am the very model of a villian wild wild Westian. I have the finest thugs and killers living north of Rio Grande, And trained them in complexities of fighting James West hand to hand. We've studied many photos of his clever partner, Artemus. No matter what disguise he tries the tricky agent won't fool us. I've studied physics, medicine, geology and chemistry And built devices doomsday that are gorgeous in their symmetry. They have a tiny weakness but I know that will not cause a fuss Since I have plans to kill Jim West as well as partner Artemus. And so I'll triumph this time with devices so meticulous. To think those two could win again is nothing but ridiculous. I know my latest plan won't fail and I shall get the best of them, I am the very model of a villian Wild Wild Westian. ****************